Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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