Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
