I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
COCAINE IS GR8
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
