So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
