Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
