i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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