the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
