dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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