why didn't you poke me back
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
