i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
