Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize