yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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