your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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