i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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