hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
