my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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