1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
