I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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