i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
