its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i out mim tonsoeep
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
