I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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