he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
