rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
