dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
