If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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