i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
