I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize