final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
