Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize