I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize