im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Damn victory sex feels great
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize