i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
