Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
