Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
