third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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