So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize