Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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