Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
