For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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