He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
