That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
