your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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