Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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