And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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