He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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