Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
