is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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