I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He? As in you personified your dick?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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