Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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