Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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