a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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