He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize