I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
