I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
