If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
