Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
