First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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