Cold hands, warm shart.
youre lurking in front of me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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