that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So many bounce houses so little time
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
