I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
