What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
